Monsters in the Storage Shed (Not for the Squeamish!)

I'm lucky to be alive today.  Last night I was accosted in our storage shed by an enormous spider.  And by accosted I mean it sat there quietly and looked creepy and scary.  But being the brave blogger that I am, my first thought was not of myself or my safety.  Nay, dear readers, it was about YOU!  And how at least one of you might actually want to see this sucker.  My first words upon spying this giant arachnid were "Holy crap, look at the size of that spider!"  Then as I was running back into the house to get my camera I told my husband, "I've got to get a picture of that thing!" 

I'm not up on my spider family trees, but I'm going to say this is a Wolf Spider.  Because #1, it could actually be a Wolf Spider.  And #2, the name Wolf Spider sounds awesome.

Perhaps you are noticing that this little lady has quite the badonkadonk.  That's because being a huge spider wasn't creepy enough, so she's carrying around about a bajillion baby spiders on her back. You could see them moving around on her.  Talk about making your skin crawl!  It's both horrifying and fascinating at the same time. 

I was all up in this spider's grill to get these pictures, too.  I tried keeping my distance and just zooming in, but either the flash was too bright and kept washing it out, or it was too fuzzy.  (I'm not the best photographer, for sure.)  So that picture above was taken on my macro setting.  YES!  I was close enough for one of those baby spiders to reach out and touch me almost.  *shudder*  Now I have to admit, while spiders don't really bother me all that much, so long as they aren't in my house, crawling on me, or lunging toward me, I'd still rather keep a safe distance.  For some reason, whoever put the light switch in our storage shed was an idiot and put it halfway down the wall so that you have to walk at least 2 feet into the room to reach the switch.  And after I took my spider pictures, I wasn't about to step over that thing, turn off the light, and then step back over it IN THE DARK!  Sure, it was all docile and unthreatening-looking while I was taking pictures, but I know as soon as I turned off that light it would have attacked.  I can't help but remember that awful alien spider-thing from John Carpenter's The Thing.  So I grabbed the broom and used the handle to reach down the wall and turn off the switch, all the while hoping that spider didn't pounce before I could get the door closed.

Here's a different picture that might help give a bit of scale so you can see how big this thing really is.

I'd also like to point out that while most bugs don't bother me in any abnormal way, I have a huge hate for cockroaches.  They turn me into a screaming, yelping, climbing-onto-the-furniture, "Holy crap, it's coming to get me!" sissy little girl.  I would not have stopped to take pictures.