Monday, June 21, 2010

Monsters in the Storage Shed (Not for the Squeamish!)

I'm lucky to be alive today.  Last night I was accosted in our storage shed by an enormous spider.  And by accosted I mean it sat there quietly and looked creepy and scary.  But being the brave blogger that I am, my first thought was not of myself or my safety.  Nay, dear readers, it was about YOU!  And how at least one of you might actually want to see this sucker.  My first words upon spying this giant arachnid were "Holy crap, look at the size of that spider!"  Then as I was running back into the house to get my camera I told my husband, "I've got to get a picture of that thing!" 

I'm not up on my spider family trees, but I'm going to say this is a Wolf Spider.  Because #1, it could actually be a Wolf Spider.  And #2, the name Wolf Spider sounds awesome.

Perhaps you are noticing that this little lady has quite the badonkadonk.  That's because being a huge spider wasn't creepy enough, so she's carrying around about a bajillion baby spiders on her back. You could see them moving around on her.  Talk about making your skin crawl!  It's both horrifying and fascinating at the same time. 

I was all up in this spider's grill to get these pictures, too.  I tried keeping my distance and just zooming in, but either the flash was too bright and kept washing it out, or it was too fuzzy.  (I'm not the best photographer, for sure.)  So that picture above was taken on my macro setting.  YES!  I was close enough for one of those baby spiders to reach out and touch me almost.  *shudder*  Now I have to admit, while spiders don't really bother me all that much, so long as they aren't in my house, crawling on me, or lunging toward me, I'd still rather keep a safe distance.  For some reason, whoever put the light switch in our storage shed was an idiot and put it halfway down the wall so that you have to walk at least 2 feet into the room to reach the switch.  And after I took my spider pictures, I wasn't about to step over that thing, turn off the light, and then step back over it IN THE DARK!  Sure, it was all docile and unthreatening-looking while I was taking pictures, but I know as soon as I turned off that light it would have attacked.  I can't help but remember that awful alien spider-thing from John Carpenter's The Thing.  So I grabbed the broom and used the handle to reach down the wall and turn off the switch, all the while hoping that spider didn't pounce before I could get the door closed.

Here's a different picture that might help give a bit of scale so you can see how big this thing really is.

I'd also like to point out that while most bugs don't bother me in any abnormal way, I have a huge hate for cockroaches.  They turn me into a screaming, yelping, climbing-onto-the-furniture, "Holy crap, it's coming to get me!" sissy little girl.  I would not have stopped to take pictures. 


  1. I don't do well with bugs. Roaches, shudder. In this house, we aren't allowed to kill spider because they kill bugs. We also get these long fuzzy things that move very quickly across the ground which we only see in warm weather. I don't know what they are, but I hate them.

    "And by accosted I mean it sat there quietly and looked creepy and scary." One of your best lines, EVER. I'd feel accosted too.

  2. Wow! That was awesome. There has to be a club we can start for those of us who have demonstrated blog photography above and beyond the call of duty, who have risked their lives to capture certain moments. Not that mamby pamby look at the pretty sunset stuff, but the heroic getting up in a spider's grill kind of tough where only the few brave to tread. Nicely done, Surfie!

    Well now I know the next time I see a spider and "baby got back", I'll be extra careful.

  3. Theresa - Mystery bugs? Yikes! It's bad enough when you can see them clearly and know what they are!

    NGIP - I agree, we need a Brave Blogger Club for those of us who are in the trenches, blogging about the creepy, the scary, the gross! There's a club motto in there somewhere, I just know it.


    I was ok when I thought it was some weird macrame spider thing but then I read your sentence about why it looked so textured... and the bajillion baby spiders made me spring back from my scream.


    I am facebooking this! ::shudder::

  5. oops, that was a typo (or Freudian slip?) -- I meant to say "spring back from my screen." ha!

  6. Spleeness - A macrame spider? I can't say I've ever thought of making one of those. But if I ever learn how to macrame I'll be sure to put it on my list.

    I guess you just weren't yet recovered from your scream when you typed that. I tried to warn you!

  7. Yes, Wolf Spider, she is. So cute, with her nursery aboard. Their eyes shine brightly in the woods when you shine your flashlight around. I'm so glad you took pictures! I have some pix on my blog from last year or the year before of just such a wolf spider, all a-clad with babies.

    You were very brave to take pictures. I don't like large insects, either, especially the kind that bite. Wolf spiders run very fast. That's how they capture their prey - they don't spin webs.

  8. Marvin - I've never seen one with shining eyes. I think that would creep me out a bit too much. I'm very glad I didn't see how fast this thing moved either. It twitched once while I was taking my photos and I nearly dropped the camera as I scrambled away from it.

  9. Oh wow! I made the photo larger two times and the little ones are quiet clear looking on there.
    You are brave, not sure I could have gotten that close.

  10. Cats~Goats~Quotes - It wasn't too hard as long as she wasn't moving. It did twitch a bit once and I almost fell on my behind when I jumped. It's hard to jump backwards when you're crouched over something!

  11. Possibly the most hideous and vile thing I have ever seen. VILE!

  12. i been reading up on the Bajillion Spider and did u know all the little spiders on its back all work together as one collective.