PhotoHunt: Broken

This is what happened to a friend's door after she went out of town to visit friends and family one weekend.  One of her (possibly crazy) neighbors called the police and told them she thought my friend was going to harm herself.  Nobody had any clue what made the neighbor come to that conclusion. They must have been hitting the sauce pretty hard that weekend!

Notice the crappy patch job the police did to repair the door after they realized nobody was home. I guess it was too much to ask for them to open the storm door before battering in her front door. Needless to say, the police in her town are a little too gung-ho and get a little stupid when the power of their positions goes to their head.  They could have at least cleaned up the glass.  Morons.

PhotoHunt

I Love My Electric Blanket

Last night as I snuggled under the covers, I couldn't help but wax poetic about how awesome my electric blanket is.  Seriously, if you don't own one of these, you need to get one.  Unless you're lucky and live in a paradise like Hawaii and don't even need to have a heater, much less an electric blanket.  God bless the person who invented this thing. 

A haiku for my electric blanket:

Electric blanket

I love you so very much

So warm and toasty

So when do you think they'll come out with an electric-blanket version of the Snuggie?  Although I guess it would have to be battery-powered if you want to wear it to your kid's next sporting event.

Wordless Wednesday: Surfside Beach, SC

And Leeches Fell From the Sky

I had a dream the other night that it was raining leeches.  LEECHES!  Now I always have very strange dreams that rarely make any sense.  Most of the time I can't even describe what I dreamed about because if I remember it at all, it's usually just a sense of an emotion and a snapshot of a scene.  There's usually not a story-line so to speak where I can say, "first this happened, and then this, and this".  Every now and then I'll have one that does seem to flow more like a movie, and I can see where parts of the dream came from.  Like I can tell that a certain book I just read was responsible for this part or that part.  But this one?  Not a clue.  All I can really remember is that I was walking down a quiet road, no traffic in sight.  It must have been spring or summer, because the grass was bright and green, the air was clear, and the sky was really bright blue.  There were no clouds in the sky, and it was completely dry.  Which only makes the falling leeches that much weirder.  There were so many of them, just as many leeches as there would be raindrops if it were truly raining.  I had on a hoodie, and when they started falling, I just put my hood up and kept walking like it was no big deal.  WHAT?!?

I can assure you, if in real life I found myself under a waterfall of slimy, wriggling little blood-suckers, I would have a complete spaz attack.  Shrieking, shuddering, screaming, and probably some sort of "get these things off of me!" convulsions.  Yet in my dream, I was only mildly curious.  "Huh.  Would you look at that.  It's raining leeches." This could have to do with the fact that none of them were actually touching me.  It's not like I was dreaming they were all over me and I couldn't get them off.  They were just falling from the sky all around me.  (Gee, is that all?)  So of course I've got to see what kind of explanation those dream interpretation dictionaries come up with!  I have to admit I was surprised that "leeches" was even an entry.  I guess it's not so weird to dream about them. 

From Dream Moods:

To see or be bitten by leeches in your dream, refers to something in your life that is draining the energy and vigor out of you. The dream may refer to people, habits, or negative emotions that are sucking you out of your vitality. Alternatively, if your body is covered in leeches, then you are feeling disgusted by your own body or repulsed by something you have done.

Well, that makes enough sense, but these weren't biting me or sucking my blood, so would it mean the same thing?  Another site has some other interpretations.

From Dream Interpretations Guide:
To dream of leeches, foretells that enemies will run over your interests.

If they are applied to you for medicinal purposes, you will have a serious illness in your family (if you escape yourself).
To see them applied to others, denotes sickness or trouble to friends.
If they should bite you, there is danger for you in unexpected places, and you should heed well this warning.

These guys are pretty ominous, huh?  Back up off my interests, enemies!  Couldn't dreaming of leeches have been a sign that I'm going to win the Powerball Jackpot this week or something?  Because I'm willing to run out and buy a ticket right now.

Photo found here.

I've Got Your Credit Fairy Right Here, Baby

Lately you may have seen some commercials on TV where someone is waiting for the Credit Fairy to show up to improve their credit scores.  If you believe these commercials, there is NO SUCH THING AS A CREDIT FAIRY!  *Gasp!*  I know, right?  What's next, the Tooth Fairy?  And to think I actually fell for this ad.  I thought to myself, "Darn, self!  Now you have to pay your bills on time and not use your credit card like it's going out of style.  That sucks!"  And I was all set to run out and buy that diamond encrusted refrigerator, too.  (Stainless steel is sooo five minutes ago.)  I guess this means I also have to stick to my much more modest shopping list from now on too instead of tossing in a few dozen impulse purchases as I meander down the aisles. 

But then it happened! On a recent grocery shopping trip to the Super Walmart, as I'm leaving the register with my shopping cart only partially filled with my meager purchases, I see it!  It's the Credit Fairy!  Cleverly disguised as Tinkerbell. 

While those TV ads try to make you believe the Credit Fairy is make-believe, this local bank is doing their part to set the record straight.  Apparently it was all just a big misunderstanding.  Turns out the Credit Fairy doesn't magically improve your credit scores.  But she can probably get you a credit card with a nice low rate!  That's got to count for something, right?  Now if you'll excuse me, I have some shopping to do. 

Dream Day Friday: Exercise Equipment (With a Kick!)

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever wished there was a bit of magic embedded in their exercise equipment.  It would make for a lot fewer machines being used as coat racks and clothes hangers, for sure.  I mean really, why do we have to burn 3,500 calories just to lose one measly pound of fat?  And using stationary bikes, elliptical machines, treadmills and the like can be so freaking boring!  When I'm ambitious enough to actually use my bike or treadmill, it can be really hard to do it with any enthusiasm unless I let my mind start daydreaming.  Most equipment has a display that tells you the time you've been exercising, the distance, and calories burned (however grossly inaccurate that last one may be!).  It's hard to feel like I'm making any difference when an hour walk on the treadmill barely burns 300-something calories. Gee, at this rate it'll only take 11 hours to burn off one pound of fat.  Oh, goody!  At least the stationary bike burns a few more calories - closer to 500 in a hour at my weight.  That whittles it down to only 7 hours per pound.  Can you see why I need some sort of more optimistic distraction to motivate myself? 

If I'm feeling particularly unfit, or if I've been eating really poorly, I might pretend that every five minutes on the bike is actually burning a full pound of fat.  And as I'm pedalling away, I'll imagine how handy that would be.  If I've been putting on weight or know I'm going to be stuffing my face with lots of yummy food (like around Thanksgiving or Christmas, for example!) I could just hop on the bike to melt away the fat.  Boo-yah!  And see how reasonable I'm being by wishing that I'd only burn 1 pound of fat in 5 minutes of exercise?  I could totally say 5 pounds in 1 minute.  But that would be silly!  Awesome Hawaiian vacation coming up?  Last year's swimsuit making me look like an overstuffed sausage?  No problem!  I'd just hop on my magic stationary bike and pedal, pedal, pedal until I'm all trim and svelte.  Think of the time this would save!  As much as I love food, especially anything bursting with sugar or chocolate, even maintaining a healthy weight seems to be a battle I will forever be falling behind in.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I'd rather be a little bit overweight than give up yummy food.  So instead of spending hours and hours exercising and not having a whole heck of a lot to show for it, I could spend 15 to 20 minutes a week on the magic bike to maintain my weight, and still eat all the donuts and Mexican food I want!  And in case any of you are getting worried, my magic bike would not let me lose an unhealthy amount of weight.  I'd never have to worry about losing too much weight, because it would never let me go below whatever weight is healthiest for me.  See, I'm being responsible and reasonable again.  And it is a magic bike, after all.

Image found here. 

Substitute Workshop!

So tomorrow morning I report to the district office for a Substitute Teacher Workshop.  !! There were no interviews of any kind - I just sent in my documentation and completed the online application.  But since my DH has told me repeatedly that "they'll let any idiot sub" I assume that I'm considered hired if I'm chosen for the workshop. There are supposed to be 60 openings.  I had contacted the head of HR to verify that they got my application and documents a couple weeks ago, and she told me I would be receiving a postcard.  That postcard never came, but I contacted her again this past Monday to verify that I was indeed expected for the workshop and to see what information I needed for tomorrow.  It's not a very comforting sign that the very first step in this processing was botched when I didn't receive the notification postcard.  Did mine just happen to get lost in the mail?  Did they forget to print it and mail it?  Will I get in the mail tomorrow - a day late and a dollar short?  For someone like me who likes to know ALL the details in advance so I can prepare (and worry) this is not a good start.  I wonder if there is anyone else who didn't get their postcard.  Am I going to have a lot of competition, or will I fit right in with this new batch of sub recruits?  How many of us will have absolutely no experience?  I don't even have kids, so I can't even draw on parenting experience.  I sure hope I get some easy assignments with well-behaved kids first so I can ease my way into it.  I hate that I'm freaking out about it.  I'm trying real hard to keep the anxiety at bay, but it's sneaking in on sly wings.  GET THEE BEHIND ME, ANXIETY!  I wonder how long it will be before I get an assignment.  If there are 60 of us new recruits at the workshop, plus the existing supply of subs, that's an awful lot of subs.  It will be interesting to see how many jobs I get between now and the end of the school year.  I do know that my DH will be requesting me to sub for him while he's chaperoning Grad Nite in Disney World.  (I'd much rather trade places and get a free trip to Disney!)

It will be interesting to see exactly what this "workshop" entails.  I have absolutely NO information on what we'll be doing.  I have to bring my SSN card and a voided check, so I imagine at least some of it will involve filling out employment paperwork.  But the word "workshop" implies that we'll actually learn something. (Or am I being naive?) I hope it's more than just how to use SmartFind Express, the automated calling system they use.  I found an online tutorial for that a few months ago and have already got it all figured out.  (Did I mention how much I love information?) I'm going to have to pack some snacks, too.  I don't know if this is a half-day, full-day, or just a few hours.  Ooh, maybe we'll do a bunch of cheesy role-playing activities!  I hear they do that for regular teacher workshops sometimes.  I've gotta tell you, if I hear we're going to be doing a trust fall, I don't think I'll be able to keep a straight face.  I wonder if they'd let me bring my camera and take pictures. Hmmm...  Hey, maybe I can do that when I'm subbing too!  It might help me get over being nervous.  Plus I can tell the kids if they misbehave I'll put embarrassing pictures of them on my blog.  Heehee!  :)